Today is the 4th anniversary of Tommy's death. The phone call seems like yesterday, it was a Wed., the spot I was standing in etched forever in my mind's eye. What doesn't seem like yesterday is Tommy's voice. I forget what he sounded like, his voice, the intonations that matched his eyes. I am forever thankful for today's technology. I have recordings, I have videos. I can see and hear him. I am transported back in time, I smile, I remember.
I don't remember how long after my father and brother died that I forgot what they sounded like, but I do recall how guilty I felt when I realized their voices were gone from my head. I was devastated --- how could I forget? I couldn't forget them, I wouldn't. But I was. I was my father's girl, I think that made it harder. If honest, my sister was actually closer to my brother than I was. I was the oldest and an island. Therapy helped me to sort out my feelings of guilt.
But forgetting what a father or a brother sounds like is, for me, completely different than forgetting the voice of a child. The hole doesn't get smaller ----there are still times when I could just go to my bed, pull the covers over my head and shut out the world, the truth, the pain. But I don't - I have the support of family and friends- people that I love, soooo I plan my next motorcycle adventure.......... It is what keeps me alive. My son rides with me and I feel the connection. I am so thankful, that as long as I have my hearing, I will be able to hear Tom.
I don't remember how long after my father and brother died that I forgot what they sounded like, but I do recall how guilty I felt when I realized their voices were gone from my head. I was devastated --- how could I forget? I couldn't forget them, I wouldn't. But I was. I was my father's girl, I think that made it harder. If honest, my sister was actually closer to my brother than I was. I was the oldest and an island. Therapy helped me to sort out my feelings of guilt.
But forgetting what a father or a brother sounds like is, for me, completely different than forgetting the voice of a child. The hole doesn't get smaller ----there are still times when I could just go to my bed, pull the covers over my head and shut out the world, the truth, the pain. But I don't - I have the support of family and friends- people that I love, soooo I plan my next motorcycle adventure.......... It is what keeps me alive. My son rides with me and I feel the connection. I am so thankful, that as long as I have my hearing, I will be able to hear Tom.
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